Christmas Fucking WHAT!?!?!

So .. i had an altercation with a cockroach the other day, can't remember if i blogged it or not, but i certainly facebooked it! Long story short = i hunted the roach down, i squeeled, i hunted it, i squeeled some more .. i threw a container over it, i squeeled, i threw a dining chair over the container which was over the roach, i squeeled some more. I then removed the dining chair as i realised it WAS ridiculous, even for me. I replaced the chair with a spiderman suitcase and i awaited my husband to come home and get rid of it all. The end.

Lastnight, gregg was out the front having a smoke and he shouts to me through the window that theres about a dozen cockroaches on the outside windows.. im inside, i do not care. I do not want to know. Im still seeking counselling for the one roach which i hunted and squeeled, and hunted and squeeled .. but let's not go there again. Gregg - i do not need to know about the dozen roaches outside! Thanks!

Today while chatting with a friend she mentioned the crazy Christmas Beetles which were flying at her the night before, i mentioned that Gregg was having a sook about roaches lastnight and she advises me that it was probably Christmas beetles .. now, call me crazy, but Christmas beetles back in Melbourne were bright green, and for bugs, they were fairly attractive!! I mean .. i wouldn't freak out about them. I remember being at my old work, in the toddler yard during December and we would find Christmas beetles daily, we would play with them and they just weren't gross. They were walking, bright, Christmas trees!! Rather cute!

Tonight when i bought my dogs in they really didn't want to come inside, they were enjoying something outside. I walked out to investigate what was happening as if it was toads, then Greggs services would be required to come remove them .. but, what i encountered was much, MUCH worse. It was like, a trillion (maybe 5 actually, to be honest) Christmas Beetles. Now, these 'Christmas beetles' are not like the Melbourne ones, would you believe the bergians have their own "christmas-fucking-bergian-beetles" .. these things are huge for starters, and they aren't crawling along the ground being all fluro green and cute. These guys are like large peanuts, flying at my fucking head!! No, really .. they were flying at my head. And they are loud, they were like, buzzing at me, and flying at my head!!! Did i mention they were flying AT MY FUCKING HEADDDDD?!?!?! .. so, naturally, i make a dash to get inside, i run along the path swinging my arms in front of me as im very aware that as long as i am screaming, a 'bergian christmas bug' is going to launch itself into my opened, screaming mouth. As im running these things are still launching themselves at me, and they are also dive bombing the back door. They have split up into 2 groups to try and confuse me i think, there is Osamas first group who are dive bombing the door, and then there are the loud, buzzing, peanuts which are trying to crack my skull open.

The dogs are just sitting on the grass, watching, probably in horror. I safely make it indoors, i jump about like a nutter for a few seconds, smacking at my arms, face, chest etc making sure there are not any flying peanuts stuck to my person. Phew, i give myself the all clear and i take a breath.

The dogs are now actually eating the bergian christmas bugs which seem to have concussed themselves from dive bombing my door.

Im emotionaly exhausted, and slightly scared to sleep tonight. These things are blimmin gross.

Please, browse the pictures below. The first picture is an actual Christmas beetle which is found in Brisbane, and the 2nd picture is a little masterpiece of my own which i created in Paint. I feel it displays THE REAL creature.