just saying ..

.. just saying ..



It's bloody hot. I know it's hot because i get out of the shower, i dry myself, i moisturise and i then wipe the sweat from my body and am tempted to get back in the shower again as i already feel dirty. I try to sleep and it's like sleeping in a puddle. If im not swimming in my own sweat, im sticking to the sheets like a shit stain to jocks. So yes, in MY humbling opinion .. it's hot. And yes .. i am aware that i 'aint seen nothing yet' .. thank you bergians for telling me this several thousand times a day .. i AM aware that it gets hotter, just saying.


I am also aware that Aldi's is a cheaper place to shop, thank you to the bergians for telling me this, several thousand times a day. And thank you especially to the REALLY clever bergians who tell me this WHILE im pushing my trolley and shopping in Aldi's .. coz, i had no idea!! Shit .. just saying.


Oh .. my all time favorite .. you get snakes here? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Tell you what .. if it wasn't for the bergian tour guides (formerly known as elderly people who speak shit when they escape from their retirement villages) i would totally not be aware that there are snakes in this tropical, sugar cane-ish environment .. fuck me, guess i should stop sunbaking naked in the long grass surrounded by rats, mice and cane toads? .. Just saying ..


All up the bergians are very informative people .. they like to tell me about their place i guess, and perhaps they have been told that Southerners are retards? Perhaps i look like a retard .. whatever, really. Im not the one walking about it a long top and jeans. Im the southener who's sitting (passed out) in the shade skulling a bottle of water before i dehydrate, again, for the 3rd time today. It's hot and i don't care what you say, your just fucking wierd! Take some clothes off!




While im at it .. enough already of the suburb pronounciation thing .. i get it, i know i pronounce some of your suburbs incorrectly, but is it REALLY such a big deal that you need to pretend you have NO IDEA what suburb im making reference too? .. this is a convo i had with the neighbour yesterday .. (and convo = conversation, just saying!)


Me : "what about South Bingara? Is that a nice area in your opinion?"


Neighbour : "hmmm .. do you mean South Bingera?"


Me : *voice in my head* - "nah mate, im talking about fucking Mexico!" ..




.. i mean, REALLY?!?!? .. i made an 'a' sound instead of an 'e' sound and you pretend you don't know what suburb im talking about?!?! .. C'MON!!!!! ..




Now dont get me wrong .. im giving the bergians some shit, but i love it here very much. In general, most people here are fab and i cherish the friendships we have already formed, and the general rule is that if you weren't born and bred here, your alright, your normal .. but if you are born and bred here, well then your just fucking wierd .. and im cool with that!!

 Im cool with the old biddies in Aldis, you know the ones .. the ones where the husband is pushing the trolley, but he cant really walk .. he's too old, so he's just kinda leaning on it and it's moving along a little each time he shuffles his foot .. and the wife is opposite him, blocking the whole isle with her barge-ass as she looks at the biscuits and chooses which ones she wants, doesnt want, wants, doesnt want .. you wait patiently behind them as they are old and will probably die in a minute .. you wait .. you wait .. they don't die so you move slightly to the right with your own trolley so they can see that your trying to get through .. they still dont see you so you eventually pipe up with .. "Excuse me" .. to which of course there is no response because they are both so old, and dying, that they cant hear you .. so you get embarrased that you called out and they didn't hear and you spend a few seconds looking at whatevers on the shelf and pretend your interested in buying it .. that gets boring so you call out again .. "EXCUSE ME" .. then there is a brief second where you think that they might have heard you and they may move, and they do .. they move 3 steps further and continue blocking the isle as they now look at the selection of tea bags.. to drink with their biscuits, which they took 3 years choosing.

It then hits you that not only are your frozen goods in your trolley defrosting, they are also cooking themselves, and the old biddies in front of you, wearing their winter tracksuits, they JUST DONT GET IT! .. so you take 3 steps back, you get a little run up and you ram the fuck out of the back of their legs, you appologise, blame your 3 year old for distracting you and tadaa .. You then have a clear path to the register where you pay for your goods which are all now spolied, defrosted or cooked in the heat. Meanwhile, the old biddies are now in the first aid isle looking at the wide selection of bandaids for their varicose veins or whatever it was that you caused by your trolley ramming antics .. but they're old and dying anyways so it's all good .. just saying.

But anyways .. i need to go have a cold shower, it's bloody hot. Just saying.