If she cries, im screwed!

A friend just asked me what would happen if Roxiee cries at her first day of kinder tomorrow .. thus the title name of this blog .. "If she cries, im screwed!" .. So sometime 3 and something years ago, a little girl was dug out of my stomach, and her private parts were waved in my face with a loud presentation type voice of .. "See, it REALLY is a girl" .. that will learn me for telling the surgeon my doubts of approximately 17 ultrasounds saying we were having a girl, well what do you know, we WERE having a girl, we did have a girl, and tomorrow she's attending her first day at kinder. Well thats the plan anyways, i think im going to have to stay awake and man her bedroom door tonight with a swiper gun incase she tries to run away from home ..
yesterday i described Roxiee as a 'social butterfly', and she was! She would see children and gravitate towards them like a nympho to a dildo. Today however, she has morphed into a moody teenager who is at risk of losing all her allowance and her mobile phone, for the rest of her life!!! ..

We thought we had chosen the kinder for her, it was done and dusted and then today i had some spare time so went to quickly see a few more local kinders, the first one was gorgeous, and the ONLY reason i crossed it off my list, is because a staff member didn't smile at me when i smiled at her .. sorry staff member, but when there are SO many centres SO close together, you really need to get your shit together and put a smile on your dial. You looked way too emo and depressed, i was tempted to frisk you and see if you had razors in your pockets. I think she was one of these 'emo lesbians' i have heard about .. so thanks, but no thanks you emo lesbian. Off to the next centre we go ..

Next centre .. it's a real 'whatever' for me .. i don't love it, i certainly dont hate it .. it was okay. As we are walking out through the drive way Roxiee grabs my hand and says "Mummy, i HATE it" .. "you hate what Roxiee" ... "I HATE that kinder Mummy" .. Ohhhh, hello there panic stations, so in the blink of an eye lid im down at Roxiees level, im holding her hands, im looking at her lovingly and softly asking her "what did you hate Roxiee, you need to tell me" .. so, just to set this scene, YES we ARE in the middle of a road here but it's urgent, she's about to tell me something terribly horrible, perhaps while i had my back turned she witnessed a child being smacked by a staff member? Perhaps the emo lesbian followed us and is now in THIS centre? Perhaps theres more than one emo lesbian? Maybe they have multiplied? Breed? Shit .. go away you bad emo lesbians. Bad dog, bad!

Me : "Roxiee .. tell me why you don't like this kinder please"
Roxiee : "I HATE it Mummy, it has no swings"
.. Me : "get.in.the.car.please!"


Next centre, the last on the list -

Lovely director, confident .. knows what she's talking about, answers my 488,836 questions without batting an eyelid, she interacts with both my kids, she introduces me to staff, staff smile at me and theres not a single emo lesbain in sight .. tick!! I ticked all the boxes and was happy to see older, kind, ladies who are actually school teachers working in the kinder room. I leave Roxiee in the room to play while i go talk shop with the director .. after 10 minutes i go back into the room and Roxiee is happy as a muslim in a wrap. I tell her we will be coming back tomorrow for a bigger play and guess what she tells me ..

"I HATE it Mummy" .. arms crossed accross her chest and all .. my bad, did she eat some hormone pills?

I know she doesn't hate it, there is nothing to hate, it has SWINGS for fucks sakes!! And a farmyard!! And an expensive box of tissues at the front desk, that's really important man!!!

So, all in all .. if she cries tomorrow, im screwed! I couldn't cope with leaving her there crying!! I dont need any lectures on "just walk away and trust the staff to settle her" .. i know the deal, i know how that works and im sure i will give myself that lecture, but i wouldn't leave her there crying.

.. if she cries tomorrow, im screwed!