.. i dont feel like being a grown up ..

Today, i wrote in my facebook status that i liked being a grown up because it means i can eat Chilli Con Carne for breakfast. After much thought (as i love to think) i have decided that i do not actually like being a grown up, im wondering where i can get a raincheck? .. i like SOME of adulthood, like my children of course, and my husband (most of the time) so i dont wish to throw away my 'grownup-ness' entirely .. i just want to rid myself of some of it.

The decisions - i especially hate the decisions involved in being a grown up. The decisions regarding the children are by far the hardest, i could sit and debate these decisions for hours and not get any closer to making a confident decision. An example of this is when i recently read an article about the cons of childhood immunisations and what they actually inject into the kids .. this was something i wasn't aware of, and although my childrens immunisations are all done and dusted, i sat and debated if i had made the right decision .. either way, there was nothing i could do about it .. but i still debated .. after a few nights of no sleep i decided that if we ever had another child, they too would be immunised .. so all in all, in hindsight, this whole inner debate i had with myself was completely and utterly usesless and a waste of what could have been sleep .. the decisions about the children could near enough rip me in half i think, so they are top of the list to throw away ..

The money worrys - as a teen there was no money worrys. I started my first job at 15 and saved money to buy fancy things. If i couldn't afford it i used 'interest free' and paid it off that way, back then it was fun and exciting to have a 'bill' in my name .. bills these days have taken over my letterbox and for some reason they are no longer fun or exciting. They are arseholes.

Along with 'grownup-ness' there is all this expectation to be 'wifely' and 'motherly' and whatever else .. i go about the motions of cooking nice, healthy meals, cleaning the house, doing the washing, baking cakes blagh blagh blagh .. but how nice would it be to live off take away again and only have one bedroom to tidy and you only really do it when you have no clothes left and cant find your phone amongst all the rubble.

Childrens education - these days i lay awake at night going through the details in my head and trying to choose which is the best school for the kids. Theres the teeny tiny country school that has only 70 odd students, theres the slightly bigger one with 200 odd students and theres the private one which could possibly be too 'godly' for our liking .. and then theres the possibility that we wont even make it to QLD in time to attend any of these schools which is a whole other 'grown up' worry in itself .. years ago my only worry was that the teacher on yard duty was going to see me visiting friends during the lunch hour after having drunk enough wine to make me walk funny and have trouble seeing people in single focus (probably only half a glass, but anywho!)

I could ramble for ages but i have a child who needs to be taken to kinder. Yet another grown-up thing to do. After dropping him at kinder i will most probably take Roxiee to the park, and if nobody is looking we will probably take photos of eachother planking on a park bench again, but .. if people are looking we will have to refrain, as i dont want to look like an immature grown up .. no way hozay, no way!