We bought a Bundy house.

I know right, the title of this blog totally gets you in suspense .. you're all like .. "i wonder what this ones about" .. well let me tell you, it's titled "We bought a Bundy house" because ..

WE BOUGHT A BUNDY HOUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Forgive me for busting out with the caps lock, bold, italic writting AND the underline all at once, but i do feel it was necessary. We are SO fricken excited right now that  it's hard to process what's actually happened. So, im going to start somewhere near the beginning ..

(although, if you want to read the short version and then head back to your egg nog .. we bought a house and we are excited. Thanks. Merry Christmas, now go and enjoy your egg nog) 

This will be the 3rd house which Gregg and i have bought together. The first house was before we had any children, it was 6 bed, 4 living areas, 3 bathrooms etc .. although it was called a house, it was probably more like a hotel! 6 bedrooms?!?! I mean, C'mon, wtf were we thinking?!?! We lived here for about 4 years and in that time we had 2 beautiful children, we got married, and we renovated the house, LOTS! .. it was a fair money maker in the end as we had bought it as a run down shack (albeit a HUGE shack) and sold it years later as a huge, renovated and modern house. In this 4 years, although we had our 2 beautiful children enter our lives, we both worked pretty much full time as the mortgage was too big for Gregg to cover alone. I did have some time off as each child was born, but it certainly wasn't enough time off to stop me feeling like i was missing out. At the end of the day the mortgage was huge, and we had to cover it.

Once that house sold, we came up to Bundaberg and tried to purchase a house to start our new life. It wasn't to be that time so we headed back to Melbourne and purchased another house. This was probably what i would have called my 'dream house' at the time. After our 'renovaators delight' we had a house which we didn't need to do any work to it, the kitchen was modern and gorgeous, the bathrooms were modern and didn't need work .. everything was complete in this house. And again, we both needed to work pretty much full time to pay this mortgage.

It was a daily struggle, although i was lucky enough to work in the childrens services field and i was 'taking my kids to work with me' .. it still didn't feel like we had enough quality time together. It was the daily struggle of coming home from work, with 2 grumpy and tired kids in the car, putting them in front of the telly so i could cook some dinner and get some housework done, we would eat (at different times as Gregg would be home late) and we would then go to bed early as we were all so exhausted. Only to get up and do it all again the next day. The weekends were used to get things organised for the next working week, like the food shopping, all the housework etc. It was a never ending battle to keep up with things and i was never happy with the little amount of time i had to give my most important things in my life - the kids.

There were a few times where i would finish up work, or cut down my days, but we couldn't make ends meet and the credit cards would start getting full so back to work it was. After about 1 year in this perfectly, modern and beautiful house we decided this life wasn't for us. We were going to sell up and make Bundaberg our home. The wish list was miles long .. although we would be leaving behind everyone and everything we ever knew, we were doing it all for the right reasons. We didn't need the perfect kitchen anymore, nor the modern bathrooms. We didn't need the perfectly spotless house. We needed a liveable house, with a great big old garden where we can have chickens, dogs and birds. We needed more family time together. I needed to feel like i had all the time in the world to be a Mum and a wife. We needed a more relaxed life. We needed a vegetable garden so we could teach the kids where the food all comes from. We needed a market stall where we could sell our fresh fruit and veg. We needed a little country school where the kids could get an education. We needed SO much more than the perfectly modern home with the suitably priced mortgage.

So .. to Bundaberg it was (to a rental first while we organised everything else)

When we first arrived here in August this year, we set a few of our goals into action. We chose the perfect little country school for Heath. We started making some new friends. We got the puppies and we started looking for houses. I said goodbye to things like my bleached hair, my acrylic nails. Gregg cut back on his smokes (well, that's debatable, he SAYS he's cut back!) .. i shop at Aldi, we don't have Foxtel, I don't cook the perfectly perfect meals anymore because let's face it, my kids don't appreciate 3 course meals, as long as they have some meat and veg, they're happy. We aren't foodies. I save my money wherever i can .. because at the end of the day, all these little savings mean we can live on the one wage and i can concentrate on being a Mum and wife.

And then .. we bought a house. This house is nothing to look at. It's not horrible, it's not even close to horrible, but it's certainly not what we used to want in a house. It's liveable. I love that the kitchen is missing some handles, i love that the bathroom isn't modern. I love that the yard is over an acre big, there's plenty of space to ride motorbikes, get a pony, have the chickens and put some birds in the aviary. It's everything that we wanted in this change. In the front garden, in the middle of an asphalt driveway we have a little grass roundabout, this is where im going to plant a vegetable patch and make up some street sign posts like 'carrot lane' .. 'alfalfa village' .. and 'potato drive' .. !! So people walk past and say .. "How unusual!" .. we are all about unusual. I say to people "this house is EVERYTHING we wanted in this move" .. im sure they just think .. "a house is a house!" but it's not to us, it's so much more than that. It's a house that lets us have more family time together. It's a house thats far from perfect. The only thing which is perfect about this house is the price. This house makes it all worthwhile leaving everyone and everything we knew back in Melbourne. It makes the past 5 years of full time work worth it because it has helped us to appreciate what we have now.

This house is our little piece of paradise. I don't care that the toilet seat is stained, we can replace it, one day. Whenever we get around to it. It's not a rush .. because nothing is. Not in this new life in Bundy.

So, bottoms up, let's have a drink to a new lease in life. An easier, more family friendly life. A life where the postie is one of your best mates because she helps you source stolen drive way ramps (probably a blog in it's own though) ..

Cheers Bundaberg, thanks for letting us call you home.

Your opinions stinks like ass.

Quite frankly my dear, your opinion is smelling like ass. Opinions have been 'doing my head in lately' .. i'm all for people expressing opinions, but im OVER people who think that they're general opinion is not just their own voice, it's actually some kind of bible which god has autographed. Meh.

Example - the person who believes that Christmas is only about religion etc and children should not get more than one toy. (people have actually stopped me, mid shopping, looked at my trolley of toys and commented!)

I go overboard at Christmas, i want my  kids to have everything they ever wanted. Although i am the one who does the choosing and the shopping, i know that Gregg feels the same. I also know that we bring our kids up to appreciate the things they are given, to look after the things they are given and to always be thankful for what they were given. Another thing i have always told my kids, is about the families who don't have any money and they don't do Christmas and this is why we are CONSTANTLY going through the house from top to bottom and donating things to others. My kids have become great givers, they often come to me with a toy and say they are ready to give it to someone else. Maybe it's a sign that they have too much? I do not care, this makes us happy. We get joy from knowing that the kids have everything they have ever wanted. (well, aside from the pony which Roxiee wants, while we don't have the yard for it now, we are seriously hoping to get her a pony next Christmas if she asks again and if we have the land)

And before another judgemental one says .. "Oh, you are replacing family time with objects" .. no, this is not what we are doing. I emphasise on family time, we are all about family time! Sundays is our 'family day' .. no work gets done on a Sunday, we either go out somewhere, or we spend the entire day playing together. During the week when the kids are at school/kinder i get all my work done so after i pick them up, i am free to help with homework, play, talk, listen etc.

We have rules in our house, we yell in this house (although that IS against a rule!) .. we play together, we laugh together, we fight toghether, we get angry, we get over it .. and then we generally go shopping to buy the kids another toy. So what? .. don't be wafting your ass scented opinion this way!

 I actually called the very first 'family meeting' a week ago as Heath was really playing up, we all sat at the table talking about what makes us sad and it was decided that this house is a 'no smacking and no yelling house" .. (it always has been but the kids since starting school/kinder have been smacking eachother etc) .. so really, we are much like any other family!! We aren't exactly posting our kids expensive presents while we are holidaying in Peru and the kids are with their french nanny. We aren't using presents to replace quality time, we aren't 'spoling' our kids, and we aren't appreciating all the 'opinions' on what we should do for Christmas.

To the people who buy/make one present only - who gives a rats arse? I do not care. I am not sticking my nose into the way you do Christmas. I do mine different, i couldn't care less how you do yours, and im certainly not judging your ability to 'provide' for your children. I am sure that one handmade gift is more than enonugh to suffice in YOUR household, but it is not how i wish to do things in mine. I am not religious, we do not talk about the real meaning of Christmas simply because i do not fully understand the full meaning of Christmas. When the time comes i WILL be allowing my children to do religious education in school and if it's a path they wish to follow i will gladly encourage them. I will also encourage them to not follow if this is their wish.

Basically, i express my opinion as an opinion, i do not think i do things the right way, or the wrong way. I do not think YOU do things the right or wrong way. I think we each do things our OWN way and by doing such it makes it right for our own families, not everyone elses families.

For those who want to know .. this is what my children are getting this year :

Roxiee :

1 huge, wooden, princess dolls house with loads of wooden furniture/dolls
3 colouring books

a Charlie bear

a snokel set with flippers etc

a calender to write all her important dates on

a pool noodle

4 sets of squinkies

a zhu zhu pet

a zhu carrier

some zhu clothes

a convertable barbie car

3 new barbies

2 x squinkie house/activity centres

a barbie pool

a Hairy McLairy reading book set

Heath :

3 colouring books

a snorkel set with flippers etc

a set of 10 reading books

a calender to write all his important dates on

a pool noodle

a big boys trike with large wooden trailor to take to the markets and help carry the fruit/veg

4 x set of beanz

1 leap pad map

a beanz race track

a large desk top world globe

a remote control tarantula

3 x sets of ninjago or star wars lego

1 talking transformer

2 x hot wheels race track connector kits

1 surfer van (he requested a van with moving doors?!?!)

a beanz container and show case

Plus, they have already received gift vouchers etc from family/friends in Melbourne which i will take them shopping with and they will choose what they want.

So, in the days leading up to Christmas, i can truely relax knowing that we have got our children everything they wanted, knowing that they will appreciate and cherish all their belongings, and the time which we spend playing with them together. And you are probably feeling that your child will cherish their toy and their religious side of Christmas ... well kudo's to you .. you enjoy it your way and i will enjoy it mine. I didn't try and project my opinion down your throat, and the same respect would be greatly appreciated from your side.




















P.S : My way is right, your way is wrong. You are an ass monkey ;-)

Christmas Fucking WHAT!?!?!

So .. i had an altercation with a cockroach the other day, can't remember if i blogged it or not, but i certainly facebooked it! Long story short = i hunted the roach down, i squeeled, i hunted it, i squeeled some more .. i threw a container over it, i squeeled, i threw a dining chair over the container which was over the roach, i squeeled some more. I then removed the dining chair as i realised it WAS ridiculous, even for me. I replaced the chair with a spiderman suitcase and i awaited my husband to come home and get rid of it all. The end.

Lastnight, gregg was out the front having a smoke and he shouts to me through the window that theres about a dozen cockroaches on the outside windows.. im inside, i do not care. I do not want to know. Im still seeking counselling for the one roach which i hunted and squeeled, and hunted and squeeled .. but let's not go there again. Gregg - i do not need to know about the dozen roaches outside! Thanks!

Today while chatting with a friend she mentioned the crazy Christmas Beetles which were flying at her the night before, i mentioned that Gregg was having a sook about roaches lastnight and she advises me that it was probably Christmas beetles .. now, call me crazy, but Christmas beetles back in Melbourne were bright green, and for bugs, they were fairly attractive!! I mean .. i wouldn't freak out about them. I remember being at my old work, in the toddler yard during December and we would find Christmas beetles daily, we would play with them and they just weren't gross. They were walking, bright, Christmas trees!! Rather cute!

Tonight when i bought my dogs in they really didn't want to come inside, they were enjoying something outside. I walked out to investigate what was happening as if it was toads, then Greggs services would be required to come remove them .. but, what i encountered was much, MUCH worse. It was like, a trillion (maybe 5 actually, to be honest) Christmas Beetles. Now, these 'Christmas beetles' are not like the Melbourne ones, would you believe the bergians have their own "christmas-fucking-bergian-beetles" .. these things are huge for starters, and they aren't crawling along the ground being all fluro green and cute. These guys are like large peanuts, flying at my fucking head!! No, really .. they were flying at my head. And they are loud, they were like, buzzing at me, and flying at my head!!! Did i mention they were flying AT MY FUCKING HEADDDDD?!?!?! .. so, naturally, i make a dash to get inside, i run along the path swinging my arms in front of me as im very aware that as long as i am screaming, a 'bergian christmas bug' is going to launch itself into my opened, screaming mouth. As im running these things are still launching themselves at me, and they are also dive bombing the back door. They have split up into 2 groups to try and confuse me i think, there is Osamas first group who are dive bombing the door, and then there are the loud, buzzing, peanuts which are trying to crack my skull open.

The dogs are just sitting on the grass, watching, probably in horror. I safely make it indoors, i jump about like a nutter for a few seconds, smacking at my arms, face, chest etc making sure there are not any flying peanuts stuck to my person. Phew, i give myself the all clear and i take a breath.

The dogs are now actually eating the bergian christmas bugs which seem to have concussed themselves from dive bombing my door.

Im emotionaly exhausted, and slightly scared to sleep tonight. These things are blimmin gross.

Please, browse the pictures below. The first picture is an actual Christmas beetle which is found in Brisbane, and the 2nd picture is a little masterpiece of my own which i created in Paint. I feel it displays THE REAL creature.

Puddlin'

So It occured to me a few weeks ago while getting the Christmas tree ready, that this Christmas was going to be very different. Back in Melb we would be struggling to fit in all the family that we needed to see for the festive season, this year would be our first away from all the family. Naturally i felt a little sad about this, so i made a mental note to myself that we would start some new 'family traditions' to replace the older ones which we did in Melbourne. Bundaberg never seems to be short of some kind of festival or similar community get together shindig. I kid you not - they have scarecrow judging contests!! Im just waiting to get dressed in 'mah spurs ta go n watch a tracter pullin shaw' .. That'd be maddddd fucking intense!!

Anywho .. A pageant of the lights .. The name put me off to be honest, you see bergians are very simple people so i imagined they were inviting us to a beauty type pageant where light globes were judged by the public. Yeah okay, im dumb! .. Turns out a pageant of the lights is actually a Christmas festival with the major turning on the towns Christmas lights. All 24 of them!! .. Also turns out to be a great family event which earnt its title as our first new family tradition. Well done Bundy, although, maybe just call it a Christmas festival?

The 2nd tradition has not yet been agreed to, gregg is fighting it. Its Christmas carols. I really want to take the kids, i WILL take the kids!! If i could find carols in a pub, gregg would be all over that shit like white to rice!!

And many more Bundy Christmas traditions will be born i'm sure.

Today, by accident we found another tradition which im SO excited about!! It's not a tradition entirely about Christmas, but it will happen through the wet season so it IS close to Christmas!

So .. The kids and i had to walk the dogs, it was raining so we all put on rain jackets and hoodies. We get about 4 houses down and theres HUGE puddles everywhere. One look from Roxiees face tells me that she's about to jump, and im about to get wet!! I notice she's wearing her brand new frilly, pink shoes and i talk her out of jumping in the muddy puddle. My attention then turns to Heath who is 'pretending' to not notice that he is just about to step into an equally huge puddle, with his equally new Ben 10 shoes. I tell him he's not allowed and we keep walking. The kids don't protest, but i can tell they are dissapointed. They have to walk, in the rain, to give the dogs exercise and they aren't even allowed to have fun while doing it!! Meh, i could punch myself for being such a stiffler, but instead, i promise them that we will return to the muddy puddles after school/kinder.

.. And we did. After eating a nice roast chicken and veg, i get the dogs ready, i help the kids put their jackets on and their sandals and then off we go in the rain!! Its not pouring down, just drizzling really but the drainage is crap and the muddy puddles are everywhere.

The walk around our block is probably 7 minutes?? In this time the kids jump and go crazy in countless amounts of deep, muddy puddles. Roxiee has fallen into about 3 puddles and the back of her shorts look as if shes literally had the shit scared out of her. Heaths not really sure if he's allowed to do it and he seeks assurance before EVERY single puddle .. "mum, are you sure about this?" .. Me : "yes, im sure. Go crazy, get muddy. Have fun and i'll clean it all up when we get home"

I don't have a splash myself as im holding the 2 dogs who don't really appreciate the mud flying about everywhere. Thats my little poofter puppies for ya!

When they find the REALLY big puddles they both jump in together. I watch as the mud flies up onto their faces snd runs down their bodies. they are having THE BEST time!! Im waiting for some opinionated jackass to come out and tell me that they're gunna catch a cold .. To which my response wouldn't be very polite!!

Im glad that i noticed how dissapointed they were thismorning when i said they couldn't splash, and im proud of me for keeping my promise and taking them out to do it tonight. I have a feeling this will become a very regular thing, i also have a feeling that i won't be taking the dogs next time as i will want to have a splash too!!

So, cheers to new traditions, and cheers to puddlin'

(i didnt have my camera with me as it was too wet but managed a few puddlin pics of the kids puddlin in our driveway as we got back home)

The reveal ..

Sooooo .. i talked this blog up. I told everyone it was coming, i captured my audience and now im ready to reveal our most amazing, fanfuckingtabulous, secret milestone. It's something which marks our whole 'bergian' experience as 'permenent' .. this is no holiday, we are here to stay now and there's no turning back. It was an unspoken thing i had going on in my head .. i hadn't said it aloud, but i had put this 'something' off untill i was sure that we wanted to stay and that becoming 'bergians' was the right thing for our family.

No, we aren't having another baby!! .. it's really not all that exciting to the average person. There was many other people doing the same thing today and i didn't notice them taking photo's of it and making a big deal. Although, one junkie was doing the same thing as me and he did show some excitement as he walked past me and waved his ticket at me while salivating, grunting and skipping. HE was excited. Though his reasons were probably different, he was probably going to do his 'something' and then go score another deal. I resisted the urge to have my photo taken with him.

Sooooooo .. if you haven't already scrolled down to see my marvelous pictures .. go ahead .. they can tell the rest of my story ..



out with the old ..




over with the cash ..




in with the new ..




Screw it baby ..



Next step : pose like fucktards on roadside .. yeah baby. Im at the bundy shore, bitches!



Thats my girl!




Following Gregg home




Home sweet home .. in Bundy, with our Bundy plates. The only thing missing is a drink of Bundy instead of Jimmy, but fuck that shit tastes off!

So yes .. im well aware that people are now reading this and thinking i have wasted your time, but to me this was a big deal. It was another step in becoming bergians. Blog over. There is another Jimmy to be drank in celebration, to celebrate the new car rego's and the fact that we have made this massive move for all the right reasons and even when im having a bad day and missing people and things back in Melb, all i have to do is remind myself that we did this to have a better life for the kids .. and we are well on our way to creating that.

P.S - not sure if it was a sign when on our way to get the new regos we had to pull over and be witnesses/offer assistance to our first bundaberg crash .. an elderly lady ran right up the back of a stationary car waiting to turn right.

Me to old lady : "Didnt you see her vehicle indicating to turn right?"
Little old lady : "Oh no love, i didn't even see the car!!" .. hmm, right about now im making a pact to not actually become a 'bergian driver' ..

I'm turning into a Bergian ..

I know i am, i know it's true .. I'm turning into a Bergian, are you? .. catchy little tune, don't thank me now but you'll be singing it later. Your welcome.

Anywhos .. it really is happening, i really AM turning into a bergian. There are a few tell tale signs, and if you are a born and breed bergian, i strongly suggest you stop reading now so i don't cause offence to you. In the chance that you DO continue reading, please know that it's a bit of lighthearted shits n' giggles so please .. please dont come kill me with your 2011agricat 50hp ultra tractor.

If i GENUINELY hated Bundy and the bergains i would be on my merry way so don't go getting your mullet in a twist. In all honesty i think i'v only met a small handfull of born and bred bergians, the majority of the people i have met are completely normal (ish!) .. even the born and bred bergians arent TOO bad, i mean .. the Mum at school that grunted at me when i said hello, maybe she comes from the wild? Maybe she's a coyote in a woman(ish) kind of body? I don't know her story so i won't be harsh .. im all for bergians, i mean .. ratstails and mullets USED to be cool, maybe the Bergians are onto something and they are coming back in style again? And im sure it has it's good points having a Mum who is also your Auntie .. I'm not one to pass judgements, after all this whole blog is about the fact that i am turning into a bergian .. (in some ways .. i mean, im not about to go get a mullet and start incesting all over a self harvesting tractor in a field! .. just saying)

So .. one of my newly adopted bergian traits? .. Im a hell of a lot more relaxed. When i first got here i was overtaking everyone in the shops and people stared .. i was in SUCH a rush. But now .. now i have slowed right down, sometimes a little old lady with a zimmer frame even overtakes me. Im such a bergian now that i feel like shouting out to her .. "Hey, slow the fuck down. Your on your death bed woman, shit!" .. but i don't. I just save it as a mental note in my head and blog about it later. Im not as anal (ha, i said ANAL, ha!) about having a clean house, i totally leave dirty dishes on the bench and nobody dies!! .. because this is the bergian way ..

Another point - bergians hate travelling. Bergians complain about having to drive 15-20 minutes into 'town' .. they 'travel' from Avoca/Branyan to Bargara and they 'holiday' there .. i kid you fucking not!!! SO many people do this!! They make a 20 minute drive for a holiday!!!! Fuck me drunk & bury me pregnant! Let me explain the photo im about to post .. so im driving out of the main shopping centre and directly accross the road is a few paddocks/empty fields which back onto a major school .. what do i see? People incesting on a tractor? No, close .. but no. I see campers!! People are camping there!!!!! There tent is pitched, the guy is standing just outside his tent having a stretch and the woman is sitting down and it looks as though she is preparing some food .. seriously, what.the.fuck? .. i dont know about you but i love camping .. i love finding somewhere that is 'the middle of nowhere' and relaxing knowing that we have our own little piece of nature with nobody else about ..



not a great photo i know .. but you get the jist!

.. the point to the travelling thing, and it's relevance to me is that i found myself noticing how 'far' i had travelled the other day and i thought to myself  'wow, this really is far out' .. and that was a major milestone in my 'bergian revelation' .. i had driven about 18 minutes to visit a friend and her newborn baby. It felt like i was driving for hours!! .. so, there you have it, im turning into a bergian!

I also found myself saying .. "Sheesh, it's a bit chilly today" .. i was totally lying, i had sweat pouring off me and my underpants were stuck in my butt crack with dried sweat, but i really wanted to talk like a bergian and sound more 'regular' so i gave it a shot .. it was an epic failure when the friend i had just said it to replied with a 'shut up you wanker' .. whatever. Dont make me go get a mullet to prove my bergian-ese you asshole.

So there you have it .. im on my way to being a bergian. There are however a few things i need to work on to gain FULL bergian residence .. and im not talking about the crazy hairdos, sexual relations or farming equiptment. Im talking about the wierd ass creepy crawlies .. i don't think im doing a great job at living in harmony with them .. we all know im not too happy with 'Geckos' as per my 'skinks, did i mention skinks' blog a few weeks back! (if you haven't already read that one i suggest you do!) .. we have had several more geckos in the house and i certainly haven't gotten any better at living with them. At this stage i still insist that Gregg catch them and remove them. I don't however insist that he kills them as i do with spiders, so THATS a plus .. with spiders i need to see them squished, with the geckos i don't want them dead, i just want them out of my house. Off my ceiling where they are just staring at me and waiting for me to walk under them so they can pounce on my head and attack my brains. Off the wall where they're doing their little sideways walk/run thing .. i hate them, SO bad! One got in the other day and i had Gregg chasing it about while i stood on the far couch filming with my iphone .. it eventually ran into the couch opposite me and hid down the back .. cheeky little fucker kept poking it's head out as if it was playing a 'cute' game of peek-a-boo .. 2 things my ugly friend, a) - your NOT cute, b) - your about to be dead if you don't get the fuck out of my couch. Gregg caught it in the end and it was taken outside.

2 nights ago we seen a cockroach in the kitchen, it was behind the microwave and was just too fast, Gregg couldn't find where it had gone and we had to give up. (i say we, but i really wasn't much help from my usual 'safe' place which is standing on the far couch, squeeling like a little girl) .. then of course, when does this cockroach choose to show it's face again? While im washing dishes! Alone! No Gregg to come save me! It sat on my kitchen blind, right in front of me. It's obviously deaf because if it could hear, it would have heard my scream and ran. But it didn't it just continued sitting there mocking me as i did some poo particles in my pants.

There was no way i could leave this thing there, so i had to man up and try catch it. Boy can they run!! I chased it around the kitchen for a bit .. i ran to the couch and squeeled for a bit .. chased it a bit more .. squeeled a bit more .. then i sprayed it with some fly spray and the fucking thing flew at me!! I couldn't believe it, roaches don't fly!!!! Apparantly they do, and i kid you not, it flew at my head. It wanted to kill me. I wanted to kill it. It was on like Donkey Kong, this thing was about to go down more than Debbie when she did Dallas! .. now that i had sprayed it and it had used up all it's energy trying to fly at my head and suck my blood, it was a little tired and i was able to put a huge ass tupperware container over it. There was no way it could escape .. but i put a suitcase on top, just to be sure!



bloody cockroach!



So yes .. i guess i need to learn to live with the creepy crawlies a little better .. and i will work on it, i will work on it for one reason and one reason only .. it's because i want to be a fully pledged Bergian. I take my Bergian residence seriously and my aim before the end of this week is to find some poor sucker who doesn't know how to pronounce the suburbs properly and i will cane the fuck out of them! They'll soon be wishing they didn't pronounce that shit wrong. Be afraid you wanna-be-bergians, be very afraid!

I never said i wasn't wierd ..

It occured to me lastnight during a dinner conversation with the kids, just how wierd this little family unit is.

Although, to be completely honest it DOES occur to me several times a day, and quite often people will point it out to me anyways, just incase i had forgotten.

But anyways, back to lastnight .. I had already given the kids their dinner, and as i lifted mine out of the microwave it was hot to touch so i wrapped a tea towel around it and carried it over to the table. The conversation went a little something like this ..

Heath : *Sooky, whiny, teenage girls voice* "Awwwww, why do YOU get a towel and WE don't?" *insert highly dramatic frowny face*
Me : "I have a vagina too, you want one of those?"

Heath : " .... whats a vagina?"
Me : *shit, what did i say THAT for?* .. "Its a front bum. Eat your dinner!"

Notice that Roxiee had not taken any part in this conversation .. up untill now where i explained what a vagina was .. and then she pipes up with .. "me, ME! I want a Joiner! Pleassssse" ..

So yes, we aren't your average Brady bunch. We do some things like the brady bunch, i mean .. we try and sit to eat meals together, and we have our 'family days' .. but we don't have your regular Brady bunch conversations.

Now, i had a rough idea of some of the things i was going to mention in this blog about wierdness, but i didn't really have a definate story that i wanted to mention about Gregg, and i don't know how 'wierd' this classifies as .. but this is what just happened half way through the first section of my blog ..

*Hopping inside, literally HOPPING* .. "Sharon, somethings bitten me or gotten stuck in my foot, HELP" .. and with this little outburts, he hops his way over to the couch saying he is in immense pain. He throws himself down onto the couch with his right leg up in the air, foot pointing towards me so i can investigate .. which after much hesitation, i do .. i investigate his foot, i look past the mouldy cheese and the toe jam, and i find a splinter .. a splinter which has caused a grown man to hop about like a lunatic, and complain of immense pain! .. so i have a quick pick at it with tweezers and manage to accomplish nothing at all, and suprisingly, i don't even get joy from inflicting pain to him, now THATS wierd!! .. so, as im blogging, he is currently sitting on the couch trying to dislodge his huge splinter. He may, or may not have uttered the words .. "Sharon HELP me, if i can't get it out i wont be working!!!" .. he may, or may not have uttered these words in a panicked way. Now, im not taking the piss, i mean .. splinters are scary little fuckers, i mean .. it WAS half a plank of wood stuck in his foot .. it WAS life and death for a bit there .. it WAS touch and go, but as i type now, he is out of the woods, we worked together and removed the chunk of wood from his tender little footsies and he is currently moisturising. Crisis averted .. thank fuck for that. So .. moving right along and back to the wierdness of this family unit ..

Heath bought up a touchy subject today ..  "Mum, why did my willy go big and purple" .. Me : "Is it hard and purple now?" .. Heath : "Nah, it was hard and purple just before" .. Me : "Hmm .. well were you playing with it?" .. Heath : "Nah, not really. No, i wasn't actually" .. Me : "Well .. i guess you could go and ask Daddy because he has a willy and knows all about them" .. and off he goes, outside to talk to his Daddy. I watch them out the window .. Greggs shovelling dirt, and he suddenly stops .. i can't hear whats being said but it looks serious .. then Heath comes running back up to me .. "Mummmmmm, whats an erection?" .. Me : *jesus christ, it's not even 7am yet, seriously!!* .. i tell him that an erection is when your willy gets excited .. he wanted to know why willys get excited .. i wanted him to shut the fuck up about willys and erections! I wanted Gregg to stop giggling about it all while he shovelled .. and more than anything, i wanted Roxiee to stop repeating all the core words .. Roxiee : "Willy .. erection? .. HAAA .. THATS funny isn't it!?!" .. not really Roxiee, not really!!!

Roxiee's got this thing where she knows she will be something when she grows up and im all for being ambitious, but .. well she's just a little confused with what she can and cant be .. most girls might say they wish to be a ballerina? Or a vet? Or even a fireman .. not Roxiee .. she's very random and will burst out with her future wishes at any time .. Roxiee : "when i grow up, i want to be a willy" .. or .. "When i turn into a doggy, i will get to sleep outside!" .. or .. "One day, when im a boy, i will eat worms" .. i dont know what happens, i guess i just breed my kids this way ..

Heath on the other hand, he has this thing for collection pamplets, if anyone doesn't know what to get the kid for Christmas, i suggest you either spend $150 on the latest leggo star wars set, or get him a few Dominos Pizza menus. Everywhere we go, he wants the pamphlets .. he NEEDS the pamplets!! .. he has gone to the extreme of 'stealing' the pamphlets .. i say he can't have them and i carry on walking then through the corner of my eye i see him stuffing his pockets full of these pamplets. Pamplets, business cards .. he's all over that shit like a Nun to a dildo. The thing is, he knows he cant steal from a shop, he knows he cant steal a friends toy .. and he wouldn't dream of doing either of those things, but when it comes to pamplets and business cards he just cant control himself .. it's an absolute obsession. It's hilarious and i love it. We walk into a childcare centre and they always have that little 'parent info' area where theres loads of business cards etc, well .. Heath is in HEAVEN here, he can't believe his eyes .. I could leave him there for a day and know that no harm would come of him, i know he wouldn't move a muscle, he's too busy salivatating (is that a word?) ..
Recently, we got 2 puppy dogs .. they are part of our family. They wear blue zinc on their noses, and they wear sunhats. True story. Actually .. im in the process of toilet training them .. the way i have trained all my other dogs has worked so i figured it would work again this time .. every so often i take the puppies outside onto the grass and i say 'toilet' .. when i see them peeing i say "Good boy, toilet!!" .. so lastnight i called out to the puppies, "C'mon, lets go toilet" .. immediately Cougar hears the word toilet, he squats (he doesnt know hes a boy) and he pisses all over my floor .. my bad i guess, i DID say go toilet and i didn't specify where ..

Also, while on the subject of the dogs .. i wrote it as a facebook status the other day asking if this was wierd .. i count the pats, i count the pats on one dog so i know to pat the other dog as much. I really didn't need an opinion on that one, im totally aware that thats wierd!! But, i feel like i should express i dont do that EVERY time .. im not completely OCD, just occasionaly.

Heath and i have a bed time ritual .. we do a book and all the other 'Normalish' stuff, then we have a 'love-off' .. we talk about who loves each other more .. now i know that in regular families they probably say things like .. "I love you to the moon and back" etc etc .. well, thats not our thing!! .. we compare our love in measurements of poop, coz thats how we roll.

Me : "I love you more than all the poops, in all the elephants butts, in all the zoos, in the world!!"
Heath : "Shit, thats a lotta poop Mum!"
Me : "Heath, don't say shit, say poop"
Heath : "I love you more than all the poop in Daddys butt .. and Daddys butt sure does stink. Mum, i went to the toilet after Daddy the other day, do you think we should get him another toilet, for outside?" ..

.. Heaths recently started prep and is completely soaking up everything, EVERYTHING! The kid doesn't stop working, learning and doing experiments. He comes home from school, he reads his book and he sits at his desk writting, and reading, and writting .. he gets books from the book shelf and copies the words .. he just DOESNT stop. It got to the point where he wouldn't come outside, he wouldn't do anything other than work .. it wasn't healthy. So i sat him down and we had a big chat ..

Me : "now, i know you love school, and you are getting SO clever .. "

Heath : "I am getting clever. Let me show you how i read. And write. Mum, lets do writting!!"

Me : "No! I need you to listen .. you need to slow down! If you want to get even more clever, you need to do other things like come outside and play .. you need to also have fun, and balance things. You need to balance work and play and have a healthy ...*even i dont know what i said here* .. "

Heath : "Mum, what?"

Me : "Okay, listen here. You need to stop doing work sometimes or your brain will explode. It will get so big that it will explode and fall out your butt!"

Heath : "Whoaaaaaa shit!!"

.. meanwhile, next day at school .. after a quick chat with Heaths teacher she tries to help me out and have a word with Heath ..

Mrs Farley : "Heath, make sure you still do other things, like play outside, all that fun stuff"
Heath : "yeah yeah, or my brain will fall out my butt, i knowwwwww"

So all in all, im totally aware that not only am i wierd, but my whole little family are just as wierd .. and thats just the way i love them.

So what if im laying in the dogs pool ..

Look .. even my dog sleeps like a tard .. seriously!



Thats my girl!



I told you they wear sunhats ..

 

Auntie Aimz

Ok .. so you know how people sometimes say shit like 'dont bother reading this blagh blagh blagh' and then you automatically make a point of reading it .. well, seriously .. don't bother. This is for the worlds bestest Auntie who i have a somewhat crazy agreement with .. she knows that if anything were to happen to me, she is to be the new mummy, so i make a point of telling her new things that may be of importance .. like, you know .. if i change the medicine cupboard!! .. thats important, because if i were to be hit by a bus tomorrow, and one of the kids needed panadol .. well, the new Mummy would need to know where to find it!! .. so, really .. when i say "dont bother reading this" .. i really do mean it .. there's nothing interesting hidden in here, it's simply a new 'mummy lease agreement' for a Miss Amy Aimz Kennett.

So Amy, here goes nothing .. you asked for your own blog & here it is. As you know, stuffs changed since we moved to Bundy. You used to know where everything was in the last house, but now you don't even know where the house is. So .. first things first, get on a fucking plane and visit us, just saying! .. Avoca, Bundaberg .. and for the love of Jesus, please practice pronouncing Avoca .. it is not 'av-aka' .. it is 'av-O-ka' .. if all else fails, just pretend you are deaf and have the address written on a card so you can refrain from having to mess up the pronounciation and pissing off a wild native local.

Next - upon arrival, please refrain from being a complete pussy and fainting at the site of a brown, warty, cane toad .. these things are everywhere, and  im like .. totally cool with them. I let them climb all over me, we are tight .. besties. Me and the frogs are like .. meant to be .. like soul sisters and stuff. You mess with my frogs, and you mess with me! .. ha, just shitting you .. we kill the shit out of the toads now .. you'll be right! Heath will even teach you how he kills them if you like .. but we'll get to that later!!

Okay, so .. routine wise .. well Heath has school every day!! He has his routine chart on his wall, Mondays is boxing, he will box with Gregg in the garage after school.
Tuesdays is school banking day, you fill in his book, give him some cashies and send him on his merry way. Wednesdays is show and tell, i stay and watch his show and tell so i can take his things home. Wednesdays is also 'Happy room day' .. i go to the school at about 12.40, pick up the keys from the office and go set up the room, the kids come in and i hang out with them for the lunch break .. i also use this opportunity to chat quietly with Heath and ask if anyone has upset him, if they have i hunt them down and have words with them. True story!

After school Wednesday i give the kids a snack, we have a chillax and we normally head to the pools so they can have a play before their 5pm swimming lesson. The swimming lesson is fairly basic, probably the main thing to remember here is to try and not make eye contact with Roxiee during the lesson or she stops whatever she is doing, forgets she is meant to be swimming and she screams out as loud as she can .. "HI MUMMMMMMMY" .. then she goes under the water as she forgot to swim .. amusing to watch? Yes .. but you know .. probably not good for her in the long run! Now .. Heaths swim teacher, try also to not make eye contact with her as i think she is a horny lesbian .. but whatever, i mean .. if your at the lessons being the surrogate Mum it's because im dead so .. you know, whatever. Im not racist to lesbians, even when im dead ..

Thursdays is library day, he needs his library bag in his school bag. Friday is parade day, i stay and watch the school assembly. It's pretty funny .. oh, and when they sing 'advance australia fair' .. apparantly you have to stand up, as in YOU have to stand up .. i didn't know this!! But, thanks to the woulderbeast mother who is obviously a school assembly veteran, i now know .. but anywhos, i stay for the assembly so i can watch Heath get awards, which he should get every fucking week for his awesomeness! .. Now, as much as i love his teacher, and i do LOVE his teacher, i still make a point of giving her a death stare when she chooses a child other than Heath to receive an award .. it would be greatly appreciated if you could keep this up. I also mutter "ah for fucks sakes" under my breath as the other childs name is called out, not sure how effective this is but it makes me feel better.

Friday is then shopping day .. and cleaning day, as it's the day where Roxiee should be in kinder when the vacancy comes up. Friday afternoon is also Heaths boxing day, he will go with Gregg about 4.40is untill around 7pm.

Everynight Heath has to do his reading book, he's getting GREAT at it .. he's so amazing clever, but we already knew that. He also likes to teach Roxiee everything he has learnt and will often ask for different instruments to perform his experiments .. it's pretty cute. Today he was teaching me all about evaporation .. apparantly the clouds soak up all the water from our grass, and sends it back down as rain .. i asked him if the clouds also soaked up all the puppies wee from our grass .. then he didn't want to talk anymore.  Ha!

Heath has a sticker chart on the fridge, he loves doing his 'chores' and it's how he gets his money for the market on Sunday.

Now .. for Roxiee!! .. hmm. Well, im thinking a boarding kennell may be in order, but if you feel this is too harsh then you can keep her .. i mean, whatever, im dead already!! .. so, as you know she doesnt do preschool anymore, but when the good kinder gets a vacancy she will be going 2 days a week. And these will be the 2 days where i will be working with Gregg if we go ahead with the cleaning business, now .. as you ARE stepping in, you probably SHOULD go work with him ..  this is fun!! You see, Gregg likes to think he is the boss at work, so i like to really piss him off and annoy him as much as i can .. im sure you can think of ways to do this, and lets face it, he's fairly easy to piss off!

So Roxiee doesnt have too much of a routine at the minute as she's just finished up at preschool and things are all changing again, but she does read Heaths reader after him every night, and i try do some 'home school' type things with her every day, like counting, colours, letters etc .. she loves it. I also get her to help with some chores like putting her clothes away, helping me hoover etc. And she loves it. She also loves being a pain in the arse! I do try and make a big fuss over her during the day while Heaths at school as a lot of the focus is on Heath at the moment.

The puppies - hahahaha. Step one - get over your fear of dogs, that would be helpful!! They really are quite adorable, you may grow to love them!! Im up at 5 and i go straight out to them while everyones still asleep, we play, i change their water, pick up their poops, feed them and then walk them. Their food is all in the freezer, raw pet mince/rice/veg/pasta etc. And an egg once a week. And chicken necks. Meh .. i'll teach gregg what to do with the dogs!! .. Roxiee has to be supervised with them all the time though, as she is being very spitelful to them when she thinks im not looking!! They ARE very tolerant but i dont let her go outside without me anymore. The puppies get walked again about 6pm when it's cooled down. I bring them inside as much as i can .. but they are still learning to not pee inside, so i can only bring them in at the moment when i can watch them 100% and make sure they aren't peeing everywhere. When they are better toilet trained we would like them to come in lots :-)

Bedtime - it's 7pm these days as the heat/school week is wrecking everyone. Roxiee goes first and chooses a book, after the book she STILL has 'the funny thing' .. I'm sure you've had to do 'the funny thing' before? Where you have to make her teddies talk to each other about poop and other gross things to make Roxiee laugh. I forgot to do 'the funny thing' one night last week and i kid you not, at 2am Roxiee was beside my bed .. "Mummy, you didnt do the funny thing!" .. so, i don't forget anymore. On the odd occasion that Gregg puts her to bed i still go in and do 'the funny thing' as apparantly he doesn't do it right! .. she sleeps with her nightlight on and about 537,388 toys in her bed. Heath doesn't usually want a book anymore, so we just have a chat about his day in bed, then say goodnight. He doesnt want a light anymore as he's all grown up!!

First thing in the morning the kids usually come straight outside to me and the dogs, we all have a play and the kids help me feed them etc. Heath REALLY wants to start picking up the dog poop and now that im dead, let him go for it! haha.

Hmm .. im not sure what else i need to tell you? .. you know the obvious things, you know to love the shit out of my kids because they are the most amazingly, beautiful little beings ever. You know all that.

Oh .. Heaths got this thing .. when i say goodnight i have to tell him how much i love him and it has to be in comparison to poop .. like, "i love you more than all the poops in all the elephants bums in the world!!" .. then he tries to top it with .. "i love you bigger than your head!!!!" .. charming really. The cracker is that no matter what he says you have to laugh hysterically .. if you do not laugh you will spend the next hour consoling a very tired, emotionally drained school boy who is now gutted that he doesnt have comedian abilities. So laugh .. laugh like you've never laughed before!
Hmm .. i really can't think of anything else at this stage .. i know there has to be more .. but right now im all out of things .. perhaps part II will have to be continued ..

Oh, Molly the magpie - she comes by either the back or front door morning and night looking for some bread!! ..

just saying ..

.. just saying ..



It's bloody hot. I know it's hot because i get out of the shower, i dry myself, i moisturise and i then wipe the sweat from my body and am tempted to get back in the shower again as i already feel dirty. I try to sleep and it's like sleeping in a puddle. If im not swimming in my own sweat, im sticking to the sheets like a shit stain to jocks. So yes, in MY humbling opinion .. it's hot. And yes .. i am aware that i 'aint seen nothing yet' .. thank you bergians for telling me this several thousand times a day .. i AM aware that it gets hotter, just saying.


I am also aware that Aldi's is a cheaper place to shop, thank you to the bergians for telling me this, several thousand times a day. And thank you especially to the REALLY clever bergians who tell me this WHILE im pushing my trolley and shopping in Aldi's .. coz, i had no idea!! Shit .. just saying.


Oh .. my all time favorite .. you get snakes here? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Tell you what .. if it wasn't for the bergian tour guides (formerly known as elderly people who speak shit when they escape from their retirement villages) i would totally not be aware that there are snakes in this tropical, sugar cane-ish environment .. fuck me, guess i should stop sunbaking naked in the long grass surrounded by rats, mice and cane toads? .. Just saying ..


All up the bergians are very informative people .. they like to tell me about their place i guess, and perhaps they have been told that Southerners are retards? Perhaps i look like a retard .. whatever, really. Im not the one walking about it a long top and jeans. Im the southener who's sitting (passed out) in the shade skulling a bottle of water before i dehydrate, again, for the 3rd time today. It's hot and i don't care what you say, your just fucking wierd! Take some clothes off!




While im at it .. enough already of the suburb pronounciation thing .. i get it, i know i pronounce some of your suburbs incorrectly, but is it REALLY such a big deal that you need to pretend you have NO IDEA what suburb im making reference too? .. this is a convo i had with the neighbour yesterday .. (and convo = conversation, just saying!)


Me : "what about South Bingara? Is that a nice area in your opinion?"


Neighbour : "hmmm .. do you mean South Bingera?"


Me : *voice in my head* - "nah mate, im talking about fucking Mexico!" ..




.. i mean, REALLY?!?!? .. i made an 'a' sound instead of an 'e' sound and you pretend you don't know what suburb im talking about?!?! .. C'MON!!!!! ..




Now dont get me wrong .. im giving the bergians some shit, but i love it here very much. In general, most people here are fab and i cherish the friendships we have already formed, and the general rule is that if you weren't born and bred here, your alright, your normal .. but if you are born and bred here, well then your just fucking wierd .. and im cool with that!!

 Im cool with the old biddies in Aldis, you know the ones .. the ones where the husband is pushing the trolley, but he cant really walk .. he's too old, so he's just kinda leaning on it and it's moving along a little each time he shuffles his foot .. and the wife is opposite him, blocking the whole isle with her barge-ass as she looks at the biscuits and chooses which ones she wants, doesnt want, wants, doesnt want .. you wait patiently behind them as they are old and will probably die in a minute .. you wait .. you wait .. they don't die so you move slightly to the right with your own trolley so they can see that your trying to get through .. they still dont see you so you eventually pipe up with .. "Excuse me" .. to which of course there is no response because they are both so old, and dying, that they cant hear you .. so you get embarrased that you called out and they didn't hear and you spend a few seconds looking at whatevers on the shelf and pretend your interested in buying it .. that gets boring so you call out again .. "EXCUSE ME" .. then there is a brief second where you think that they might have heard you and they may move, and they do .. they move 3 steps further and continue blocking the isle as they now look at the selection of tea bags.. to drink with their biscuits, which they took 3 years choosing.

It then hits you that not only are your frozen goods in your trolley defrosting, they are also cooking themselves, and the old biddies in front of you, wearing their winter tracksuits, they JUST DONT GET IT! .. so you take 3 steps back, you get a little run up and you ram the fuck out of the back of their legs, you appologise, blame your 3 year old for distracting you and tadaa .. You then have a clear path to the register where you pay for your goods which are all now spolied, defrosted or cooked in the heat. Meanwhile, the old biddies are now in the first aid isle looking at the wide selection of bandaids for their varicose veins or whatever it was that you caused by your trolley ramming antics .. but they're old and dying anyways so it's all good .. just saying.

But anyways .. i need to go have a cold shower, it's bloody hot. Just saying.

The HAPPIEST happy birthday, EVER!

soooooooo .. it's my birthday today, i briefly got excited about 3 weeks ago on facebook and announced that it was 20odd days till my birthday, then i thought better of getting older and didn't speak of my birthday any more after that!! It sort of hit me that .. you know .. im old now and birthdays are really not all that exciting. That was until this morning when my gorgeous kids gave me their gorgeously perfect presents!!!

I got up at 5am, as usual .. and went outside to play with and clean up after the puppies while i drank my morning coffee. Shortly after, Gregg woke up and wished me a happy birthday, then Roxiee got up. She walked outside carrying a book and she handed it to me saying "Mummy, heres your present. I got this for you, because its your birthday!!" .. the look on her face said it ALL, she was SO excited to be giving me this book .. i think i can honestly say i have never seen such a look of excitement on her face, not even on Christmas morning, or her own birthday morning. We had a look at the book, it was a book i had given to the kids to give to Gregg on Fathers Day last year .. it wasn't all that special. I said to Roxiee, "Thank you, i love my present!! Where did you get it??" .. now, imagine THE most excited voice in the world .. "Mummy, i got it from under my bed, for you, specialy for YOU!!!!" .. at this stage i had no words left so we just hugged!! .. The sheer joy she got from giving me a manky old book which was under her bed, was enough to make my heart melt.

Then it happened .. Heath got up. Now, a few days ago while tidying up his desk for him i noticed a sealed envelope, i didn't pay too much attention to it, i could see it had some drawings on it .. he had asked for an envelope specifically, i remember this because he asked right while i was elbows deep in cooking dinner .. i was annoyed that he made me stop cooking so i could get him a stupid envelope .. but anyways .. he wished me a happy birthday and threw this envelope under my nose. I recognised it straight away as the one which i had tidied up on his desk and straight away i was a little teary as he had already put SO much thought into this, he had made it days ago, AND he had saved it in his bedroom!! On the front was written .. "Mum" and "Heath" .. and the back of the envelope was sealed with a few of his stickers.

A few months ago Heaths drawings didn't resemble much at all, and he certainly wasn't writing so this is all very fresh for us. If he ever drew, it would be a person .. he never really tried to draw anything else. He has come so far with his drawing and writing that he amazes me every day. Straight away when i opened the envelope and looked at the paper inside i could see what he had drawn, it was 2 camels. Now, anyone who knows me knows that i love camels .. it started off as a funny/smart ass kind of thing back in high school .. you know .. "piss off, go ride/molest ya camel" .. and it just eventuated from there. People would ask what i wanted for Christmas .. "a camel" .. "how are you arriving to your wedding?" .. "a camel" .. "you have any pets?" .. "Yeah, camels" ..

I said to Heath ... "You have drawn me 2 camels!!!"

"Yes Mum, coz i know you love camels!!!"

.. and just like with Roxiee, i had no words left, so we just hugged!! Did i cry? Did i ever!!!!

Roxiee, not one to be outdone, then asks "Mummy, whats your favorite colour?" .. "Uhhh .. Pink!!" .. and off she runs to her room, she comes back with a handful of more 'presents' .. everything pink she could find in her room, there was a pink barbies shoe .. a pink pair of knickers .. and there was even wags the dog who's pink tounge was to be another of my gifts ..

What kids, seriously .. what  amazing fricken kids!?!?! .. now i know that as Mums we all think our own kids are the most amazing etc .. but im here to say that all you ladies are kidding yourselves, the most amazing, beautiful, giving, caring kids are right here in my house, in my family. I love their guts.

To the market, to the market ..

The kids, Gregg and i wake up on a Sunday morning, and chant our "to the market, to the market, to buy a fat pig, then beach again, beach again, jiggety jig" .. now, just incase Julia Gillard is reading my blog, as she would .. you didn't see the above line, what we actually chant is .. "to the market, to the market, to buy a multicultural pig" .. we sing this because we like to be politically correct and good role models for our children, and to call the pig 'fat' is not setting a very good body image, whereas if we speak of a 'multicultural' pig, it opens the conversation up to discuss matters of the world today, wouldn't you agree, Julia?

Anyyyyyywho .. our Sundays are fairly 'standard', we love the market as i get my fruit n' veg, the kids spend their pocket money and Gregg and i get to see some really wierd looking bergians walking about .. it's fun for all! Honestly, Julia .. try it, i'v seen a few other rangas there and they didn't get bashed or anything!!!!

We had been talking for a long time about getting 2 more puppies, but i was hesitant as we have had nothing but bad luck with puppies in the past .. there was the one with the terrible worm thing going on, Gregg got her as a suprise from the pet shop, we had her for 2 days and she vomitted up live, wriggling worms .. lots of them. I rang the RSPCA and they suggested that she had never been wormed, and for her to vomit up live worms they would have caused a fair bit of trouble to her insides, now heartless as this seems, we had a 2 year old, and a 3 month old baby at the time, i was up to my knees in bleaching the house from 'worms' and we really couldn't deal (financially, emotionaly or physically) with a pup that was already having such problems all due to a shit pet shop, so we made the shop owner take her back. He wasn't happy, said he wouldn't refund the money, blagh, blagh, blagh and he tried to shift the blame onto US .. saying that we shouldn't have bought a pup etc .. we didn't want our money back, we wanted for him to start looking after his animals correctly. I had heard many bad things about this pet shop but i hadn't thought to mention them to Gregg, otherwise he would have known to not buy from there. In the end, he took the pup back, we reported him to the animal welfare who were VERY interested, said they were investigating and a few months later his shop was no longer there .. (i doubt very much that my one report would have closed his shop down, but there was obviously other reports, and when the animal welfare went and investigated, they would have had access to things which we, as customers, didn't)

Then there was beautiful Miley, who Gregg bought as yet another suprise ..she was gorgeous, about 2 years old and full of beans ..the only problem was, as a 2 year old she had already picked up some nasty habits and we really didn't have it in us to re-train a dog who was already set in her ways. One of her 'ways' was to play far too rough with the kids, she would scratch them, jumping on them and pushing them over, and she began bitting them too .. needless to say we had to let her go to another family. The first 2 people who rang up about her, i didn't like them, i didn't  have a good feeling about them so i said she had already gone to a new home. It was 3rd time lucky, a gentleman came and fell in love with her, then he went home to talk to his family, then returned with ALL the family including the other dog .. they took her for a walk .. then took her home :-) .. i have some friends who are REAL, REAL, REAL animal lovers .. and i know they think we are irresponsible pet owners for letting the 2 dogs go, but in reality, my kids will always come first. The dogs become part of the family, yes .. but they are never above the children.

So, back to the market .. we were talking about getting the kids a bird each .. or perhaps some guinea pigs .. we seen both at the market, and we asked some questions, made some enquiries but really we aren't in love with the idea of guinea pigs or birds. Now .. to get home, we had to walk to the car .. and to get to the car, we had to walk past a guy who was selling some puppies from the boot of his little datsun. (totally not unusual at the market, there is always 'car boot puppy sales' .. we stop and pretend we are going to buy puppies every week, just so we can get them out of the boots and pat/play with them .. then we say "okay, thanks for that .. we will go home and have a think about it and get back to you" .. there was the one guy selling pups from the back of his ute .. now there was NO way we were going to buy off him .. he was SUCH a bergian .. "Yeah mate, get em out and pat em' n' shit but look fer the shit, the shits everywhere mate, theyre pigs too mate, they're mum died, stupid bitch got hit by a car" .. uhhhh, C-ya!! He had less teeth than a collingwood supporter.

This Sunday was different though, the guy and his little green datsun with the 5 puppies inside. It was a litter of 13 puppies and there was 5 left which they were keen to see the last of. Straight away we both fell in love with the one with the stripy/spotty nose. I picked him up and he cuddled right into me like one of the kids would, he was definately a keeper!! .. then we played with a few more of them and got them out of the boot .. and we fell in love with the one with the stripey nose. We chatted with the guy for a bit, he told us about the nature of the pups, i refrained from telling him his breath stank and his kid was ugly then we said we would give him a call in 30 minutes or so and let him know if we were going to take them .. the plan was for us to go to Sams Warehouse, look at kennels etc and talk about if we were really ready for 2 new puppies .. an hour later we had purchased a kennel, a shit load of food, toys, blankies, bowls, walking leads, car harnesses, treats etc and were on our way back to the market! To the market to the market to buy 2 cute dogs ..

The rest is really history .. our family grew. By 2. It took us all day to name them .. Bundy and Cougar. They are now vaccinated, mocrochipped, fully vet checked, wormed, de-flead etc ..

Heath was outside thismorning playing with them, and he was grabbing inbetween it's back legs .. "Heath, what are you doing?" .. "trying to grab it's sausage Mum .. " .. "Uhhhh, you KNOW  thats it's willy, right?" .. "Oh, yuck, YUCK!!!" .. normally he's a pretty bright kid but .. yeah .. not sure what happened there .. mental note to show him the anatomy book again ..

As for Roxiee .. well, we don't expect so much from her so we really aren't that alarmed when we see her crawling through the garden on all fours, with a dog toy in her mouth .. at least she drops it when she wants to eat some grass .. coz, if she tried to eat the grass with the toy still in her mouth, well then she would look silly! ..

So, i have a photo which pretty much sums up this blog ..

Not a great photo, but you get the jist :-)