hello .. i guess ..

My own blog. I feel like i'v just moved into my very own house, for the very first time. Having a blog is a big step, a very big step, well, for me it is. Im not a talker, i don't tend to talk about feelings for some strange reason. And when i say 'feelings' i also mean the good feelings, ie: i find it hard to tell someone how much they mean to me. I dont know why i struggle with this but i do. If you love someone, tell them .. right? Or if a friend is really important to you and inspires you or has a big impact on your life, tell them .. right? Yeah, no .. it's just not me and it makes me feel uncomfortable to TRY express these feelings, but at the same time, it makes me uncomortable to NOT express these feelings. I mean seriously, if i said to a good friend "you have helped me through hard times, and i appreciate that' would they roll about the floor laughing? YES, i believe they would, because they know it's not me to talk like that. Id much prefer throwing a pancake at them and hoping they interpreted that as "you have helped me through hard times and i appreciate that" .. and to be 110% honest i feel terribly uncomfortable right now because i have put some feelings into words and as long as i dont hit the delete button, i will be publishing this for other people to see ..

I dont know quite why it matters so much to me what other people think, i think it's because i am so often misinterpreted, people often mistake my shy-ish mannerisms as rude, or snobby .. or even disinterested. I dont think im any of the above, i dont think im shy, i dont think im overly rude and i certainly dont think im snobby. I think im well balanced and i quite like the person i am on most occasions.

Anywho, i had no plan of what i was going to write for my very first, and opening blog .. all the above just sort of spilled out. I'v re-read it several times and im almost certain that i wont delete, this is the start of a new me .. a more .. expressive one! So if you dont have a pancake flying at your head dont be alarmed, it may just mean that im going to start telling you how i feel .. maybe!